My 22nd Birthday in 2017

Hi and Salam to all of my readers. Wow, too many people read my previous post. So it's been awhile since I last posted anything. My life has been miserable as ever. But I am keeping my head up and and be positive everyday. As passive as I always am, I am trying. So it is July 9th. I feel nothing but sadness. This month is my birth month. I have too many things that I want to talk to my mom and I know nobody understands it.

At times like this, my mom would ask me "Kaklong, nak apa birthday tahun ni"

I would despise and say nothing when she offered. I do not like to ask for things from my mom. Last year, around early July or late June. My parents had really bad financials. We were in financial constraint that made my life change forever. I do not feel like talking about it because I want to share this secret and story one day when I am successful in life.

Ok back to the story, my family and I went to IOI City Mall, for window shopping. I was looking for a cheap perfume. I bought a roll on Silkygirl perfume because we were broke and I could not afford a nice one. My mom said nothing, she just observed. Knowing me, I used to use perfumes like DKNY and Ralph Lauren. Suddenly I bought a perfume worth RM 8. It was the lowest time for me before she got sick.

Fast forward... it was 22nd July 2017. I was so depressed, I felt miserable and sad all the time. I felt unappreciated by many. I felt like I have no one. I forgot that my parents were there. But my parents were too stressed and saddened by many things. So I did not want to bother them. I tried to call helplines, I tried to get help but I failed. On 23rd July 2017, I went to my friend, Nazihah Anuar's open house with my clique (Fabz). They surprised me with a small party, I was so loved. Then I came back home, I was tired and wanted to sleep, then unexpectedly, my family surprised me with a party at home. It was a small party but it was damn meaningful. My mom and dad shared to buy a perfume for me. I feel so sad because I knew they were in financial distress. My mom was saying "Ibu ada kad Sephora ni" I still remember her voice. She put on balloons, she ordered a chocolate cake for me but there was a typo haha "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEENA" Then she altered at home so it became "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEErA". My mom, always made our special day, extra special. I miss you ibu. Then, we went for a lunch. She wanted to treat me at Majorina Cafe, but I did not want my parents to spend more money, so I said "Jom makan McD je lah, murah sikit ibu daddy kan habis duit beli kek?". I kind of regret it because she wanted to go to Majorina. But I did not want them to waste anymore. Little did I know she is not going to be here anymore this year.

Okay, I cannot continue this post because I am currently having a heavy downfall. Till then.

Love,

Keerasara